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june 2001
Nowhere near rock-bottom
I am broke. Literally broke.Eighty three dollars broke, and I have yet to pay the bills forthis month. So I have no money. I have about four jobs, and noneof them give me enough hours to make rent. And I need to feed themonkey right? So I am pannicking even worse than I do everymorning when I check my email to see if anyone out there wants togive me a job. I thought the graphic design market might be toughto get work out here, with the internet boom and then bust. Butthis seems impenetrable. I have been sending out resumes for fivemonths now. This is beyond absurd. Am I that untalented oruncreative that I can't get any kind of design work? Apparrentlyso.
I had a job interview for somefreelance work, drawing t shirt logos. I was hoping that it wasgoing to be a full-time job, but it wasn't. So now I am workinglike crazy, making beach-themed drawings. I'm drawing scubadiving turles and things like that. I have three things done sofar, and I need about seven more. I like what I've done so far,but the problem with freelance is if they don't like it, thedon't buy it, and all that work I just did was pointless. I wishI could trade in all my shakey jobs for one secure job. Thatwould be a lot less stressful, and maybe I could drink coffeeagain. I can't have a cup of coffee without doubling over in paindue to the hole in my stomach. I think it's an ulcer. I named itscrewy, because that's what it feels like, lodged in the wall ofmy stomach.
The last issue of the Gypsy Loungeis about a third done, I'd say. And a funny thing happened. I wasworking on drawings of a character who hadn't been in the booktoo much, and I never realized how much I liked the guy. Not'liked him' liked him, but I just saw a whole different side tothe character, and he makes a lot more sense to me now. I forgotabout what happens to him in the story. I can't wait to get thewhole thing done. It's a story that you have to read all sixissues in order to understand it. It's one big story. I look backover the last year and a half, and I can see my life in thosebooks. All that time spent in front of the machine, or at thedrawing table. I don't even have a drawing table anymore. Ihaven't had one for the past seven months.